Hello my blog followers, I know it has been a while since my last post. I have been busy experiencing new stories to share with you all. First up is a group of tips that my angel Leah suggested. She is new to the on-line dating arena and after a few days we kept asking ourselves the same question...What in the hell are these guys thinking. So here goes some tips if you want to catch our interest (according to the angels - as in Charlie's angels the new moniker for me and my two best friends).
1. Do not post a picture of a dead animal or a fish. We don't need you to show us how manly you are that you caught the big fish or you shot a deer. We can buy that shit at the store now a days and no one looks good in camouflage. It tells us nothing about how you are going to treat us except that on sunny days you would rather be on a boat with friends and in the fall when we are busily preparing for the holidays, you will be enjoying time with the boys up north.
2. Why is your kid the first picture? Somewhere in that profile that you don't use proper grammar in, you can inform us that you have minor children and tell us what a wonderful dad you are. It makes us feel creepy to choose you when you have your 7 year old son as the first picture. Most women do not want to met your children before they meet you and probably not for a while after that as well. Keep all those pics for your Facebook and your screensaver.
3. Take a non-blurry selfie please. See as I have figured out, most people try to present themselves in the best light possible, from not wearing their awful glasses or taking a picture that makes themselves look much taller than in person but at least those pictures are a blurred mess. If I cannot make out your face on a pic, I am not going to make out with you either...or swipe right.
4. Why in the car? There seems to be a growing trend of the selfie with the sunglasses driving. Which makes me think you also text and do other distractions while driving. And although it is nice to see that your interior is leather, that doesn't automatically want me to pick you. On that note a picture of you next to your car is not attractive either. Good job on the suped up Chrysler LeBaron but I don't car what you drive as long as your license is not suspended and it gets you from point a to point b.
5. Cute dog, cat, goldfish etc...I have a cute dog too, but she is not part of my profile because like kids I don't want you to meet her on the first date. You earn that right to meet my sweet pup. And please do not post a pic with the dog open mouth kissing you unless the next pic is you washing your mouth with scope. I have a dog, I know what she does with her tongue and I am not that fond of the smell or taste of dog poop.
6. Porn mustaches/ridiculous beards. I know we just left movember but that is where you should leave those awful pictures as well. Again, use your Facebook if you need. I will stalk you there should I want to see any of those more candid shots.
7. No shirt/bathroom pics. This one boggles my mind. Do you really think that it is hot to see you without a shirt standing in a men's room with a shot of the urinal or rolls of toilet paper in the background. And quite frankly in my limited time yet extensive on line experience, anyone who only posts of their chest is a. a douchebag or b. a butter face (why is there not a male equivalent to this? Kinda makes me mad).
8.Cartoons or other graphics. Great you love Michigan (which would turn off Louise automatically) but I don't need just a picture of the block M as your profile. Nor do I want any superhero or a cartoon picture you made of yourself or any graphic novel. Girls don't like those things the same way you do and sorry but it just makes us think you will ask us to wear costumes and go to the Renaissance Festival.
9.Landscape or other photography. Love that you were able to point and click a beautiful sunrise or sunset. Can you turn the camera around and take a picture of you cuz I can't date the lake or the sunrise. Again, tell us your interests in your profile or perhaps a conversation if you get that far when the only pics is your fishing boat.
10. Pics with other girls. Seriously the worst one. Why in the world would you post a pic of you with another female when you are on a dating site? I hear that on some sights that a pic of a couple means that they are looking for a threesome. Really, can't they just start their own dating sight Thrinder or something. Guess what, you choose your pics, so pick one that doesn't have your ex or your "best girlfriend" for your profile. And that wedding you went to where you rocked a new tie and thought you looked great so you blacked out your ex's face doesn't make us feel any more likely to pick you now. If you are ready to move on, choose a different picture. If this is your sister, put a caption on it. Otherwise we just assume you are stepping out or inviting me to a swingers party.
So there you have the 10 most annoying pics as seen by the Angels on numerous dating sites. If you don't have any of these pics, you may get a swipe right from us. As always, there is a curve and it took me a bit to figure out how to weed out who to pick. I am still on that curve as demonstrated by one of my upcoming stories. Until the next one, just remember everything is ok as long as a girl's gotta drink.
1. Do not post a picture of a dead animal or a fish. We don't need you to show us how manly you are that you caught the big fish or you shot a deer. We can buy that shit at the store now a days and no one looks good in camouflage. It tells us nothing about how you are going to treat us except that on sunny days you would rather be on a boat with friends and in the fall when we are busily preparing for the holidays, you will be enjoying time with the boys up north.
2. Why is your kid the first picture? Somewhere in that profile that you don't use proper grammar in, you can inform us that you have minor children and tell us what a wonderful dad you are. It makes us feel creepy to choose you when you have your 7 year old son as the first picture. Most women do not want to met your children before they meet you and probably not for a while after that as well. Keep all those pics for your Facebook and your screensaver.
3. Take a non-blurry selfie please. See as I have figured out, most people try to present themselves in the best light possible, from not wearing their awful glasses or taking a picture that makes themselves look much taller than in person but at least those pictures are a blurred mess. If I cannot make out your face on a pic, I am not going to make out with you either...or swipe right.
4. Why in the car? There seems to be a growing trend of the selfie with the sunglasses driving. Which makes me think you also text and do other distractions while driving. And although it is nice to see that your interior is leather, that doesn't automatically want me to pick you. On that note a picture of you next to your car is not attractive either. Good job on the suped up Chrysler LeBaron but I don't car what you drive as long as your license is not suspended and it gets you from point a to point b.
5. Cute dog, cat, goldfish etc...I have a cute dog too, but she is not part of my profile because like kids I don't want you to meet her on the first date. You earn that right to meet my sweet pup. And please do not post a pic with the dog open mouth kissing you unless the next pic is you washing your mouth with scope. I have a dog, I know what she does with her tongue and I am not that fond of the smell or taste of dog poop.
6. Porn mustaches/ridiculous beards. I know we just left movember but that is where you should leave those awful pictures as well. Again, use your Facebook if you need. I will stalk you there should I want to see any of those more candid shots.
7. No shirt/bathroom pics. This one boggles my mind. Do you really think that it is hot to see you without a shirt standing in a men's room with a shot of the urinal or rolls of toilet paper in the background. And quite frankly in my limited time yet extensive on line experience, anyone who only posts of their chest is a. a douchebag or b. a butter face (why is there not a male equivalent to this? Kinda makes me mad).
8.Cartoons or other graphics. Great you love Michigan (which would turn off Louise automatically) but I don't need just a picture of the block M as your profile. Nor do I want any superhero or a cartoon picture you made of yourself or any graphic novel. Girls don't like those things the same way you do and sorry but it just makes us think you will ask us to wear costumes and go to the Renaissance Festival.
9.Landscape or other photography. Love that you were able to point and click a beautiful sunrise or sunset. Can you turn the camera around and take a picture of you cuz I can't date the lake or the sunrise. Again, tell us your interests in your profile or perhaps a conversation if you get that far when the only pics is your fishing boat.
10. Pics with other girls. Seriously the worst one. Why in the world would you post a pic of you with another female when you are on a dating site? I hear that on some sights that a pic of a couple means that they are looking for a threesome. Really, can't they just start their own dating sight Thrinder or something. Guess what, you choose your pics, so pick one that doesn't have your ex or your "best girlfriend" for your profile. And that wedding you went to where you rocked a new tie and thought you looked great so you blacked out your ex's face doesn't make us feel any more likely to pick you now. If you are ready to move on, choose a different picture. If this is your sister, put a caption on it. Otherwise we just assume you are stepping out or inviting me to a swingers party.
So there you have the 10 most annoying pics as seen by the Angels on numerous dating sites. If you don't have any of these pics, you may get a swipe right from us. As always, there is a curve and it took me a bit to figure out how to weed out who to pick. I am still on that curve as demonstrated by one of my upcoming stories. Until the next one, just remember everything is ok as long as a girl's gotta drink.