Hello blog followers, it has been a long time. Sorry for the delay but I took a much needed vacation for the holidays. I will share no stories as what happens on vacation stays on vacation. However, I do have a couple stories that recently occurred.
I am trying to be more selective in my dating process. I truly feel like I am past the let’s meet 5 dates this week and would actually like to meet a nice guy. Hasn’t happened yet so fortunately for you all, you get more stories.
First up is the Jersey Shore guy. His profile pic was a side shot only and his profile explained that he wanted to keep some things private and hated taking selfies. I can understand that to a point. We exchanged conversation through the app and he actually read my blog so here’s to you Jersey Shore if you are reading this right now.
He had said that he wanted to meet a few times and then would cancel or not respond until the next day. It became quite irritating to say the least. Finally he indicated that he had some time free on a Saturday evening and asked if I had plans. I had just returned home from vacation and was looking forward to a nice evening in to let my liver heal but said I would be available later in the evening. I asked if he wanted to meet somewhere and he invited himself over.
Yep first date at my house. Weird, but whatevs. We planned on ordering pizza and watching football. No big deal. He said he was leaving work and would stop and get something for us to drink. Ok, again seemed promising… Then it was 2 hours later and he works not that far from my house. I was starting to get irritated when he finally showed up. Oh and his profile pic indicated that he was 5’9.
So I go to answer the door and end up towering over him. If he was 5’4 I will eat my shoe. Seriously??? Why lie about something so petty but then again I probably would not have talked to him so I guess that is my answer. He was kinda an orangey tan like he just left the salon being spray painted and I started to wonder if that was why he was late. Nope, apparently he was nervous so he drove around for 20 minutes. Um, don’t ask to come over if you are too nervous to come over. Then he smiled and I am not kidding when I say that his front tooth was totally fucked up. Not sure if it is because he smokes and that just has a yellow imprint from the cigarette or if it was knocked loose in a bar fight on the shore and is rotten. Whatever the reason, I could not help but stare at it all night. Like a booger hanging from someone’s nose that you don’t like so you just stare at it and let them hang there. I know I am a bitch which is probably why I haven’t met a nice guy yet.
So now I have an orange, short rotten tooth man sitting in a chair next to me and he would not sit still. I swear I thought he had tourettes. I kept asking him what was wrong, he just kept saying I make him nervous. He downed two (I know a whole 2) angry orchard and literally kept fidgeting until all the gum in his pocket fell out (yep a pocket full of loose chicklets…) I tried to get him to relax since he told me how much fun he is if he wasn’t this nervous but everytime I asked him a question he avoided it. WTF? Just be normal. Finally I said that I thought this was a bad idea and that he should leave. We didn’t even make it to the pizza order. Or the second half of the football game. But no worries, he left me with a bottle of vodka and some soda so I made myself a drink and watched the second half alone. After all, a girl’s gotta drink right??
I am trying to be more selective in my dating process. I truly feel like I am past the let’s meet 5 dates this week and would actually like to meet a nice guy. Hasn’t happened yet so fortunately for you all, you get more stories.
First up is the Jersey Shore guy. His profile pic was a side shot only and his profile explained that he wanted to keep some things private and hated taking selfies. I can understand that to a point. We exchanged conversation through the app and he actually read my blog so here’s to you Jersey Shore if you are reading this right now.
He had said that he wanted to meet a few times and then would cancel or not respond until the next day. It became quite irritating to say the least. Finally he indicated that he had some time free on a Saturday evening and asked if I had plans. I had just returned home from vacation and was looking forward to a nice evening in to let my liver heal but said I would be available later in the evening. I asked if he wanted to meet somewhere and he invited himself over.
Yep first date at my house. Weird, but whatevs. We planned on ordering pizza and watching football. No big deal. He said he was leaving work and would stop and get something for us to drink. Ok, again seemed promising… Then it was 2 hours later and he works not that far from my house. I was starting to get irritated when he finally showed up. Oh and his profile pic indicated that he was 5’9.
So I go to answer the door and end up towering over him. If he was 5’4 I will eat my shoe. Seriously??? Why lie about something so petty but then again I probably would not have talked to him so I guess that is my answer. He was kinda an orangey tan like he just left the salon being spray painted and I started to wonder if that was why he was late. Nope, apparently he was nervous so he drove around for 20 minutes. Um, don’t ask to come over if you are too nervous to come over. Then he smiled and I am not kidding when I say that his front tooth was totally fucked up. Not sure if it is because he smokes and that just has a yellow imprint from the cigarette or if it was knocked loose in a bar fight on the shore and is rotten. Whatever the reason, I could not help but stare at it all night. Like a booger hanging from someone’s nose that you don’t like so you just stare at it and let them hang there. I know I am a bitch which is probably why I haven’t met a nice guy yet.
So now I have an orange, short rotten tooth man sitting in a chair next to me and he would not sit still. I swear I thought he had tourettes. I kept asking him what was wrong, he just kept saying I make him nervous. He downed two (I know a whole 2) angry orchard and literally kept fidgeting until all the gum in his pocket fell out (yep a pocket full of loose chicklets…) I tried to get him to relax since he told me how much fun he is if he wasn’t this nervous but everytime I asked him a question he avoided it. WTF? Just be normal. Finally I said that I thought this was a bad idea and that he should leave. We didn’t even make it to the pizza order. Or the second half of the football game. But no worries, he left me with a bottle of vodka and some soda so I made myself a drink and watched the second half alone. After all, a girl’s gotta drink right??