Ok, so obviously I faired slightly better at the bar than friends. I think part of that is that for 12 years, all my friends were couples so it wasn't like I had a lot of friends who had a single guy to introduce me to. Louise convinced me that I should try the dreaded internet dating. Now I know there are many sited out there for hook-ups but I figured I would try the basic match.com to start.
I don't have much advice to give, however please note the following: your pics should be recent not 70 pounds ago, don't post pics of you and another girl if you are trying to find someone to date and those stupid cartoon pics are a major turnoff along with excessive pics of children or pets. See I don't want to date the fat slob you've become or your 5 kids or your million animals and if you can't find a pic that isn't of batman, well not sure we will have much to discuss. And for god's sake pay attention to your screen name. It doesn't need to be witty but should also not be insulting. Looking4asugarmamma isn't getting a wink from me.
Back to the story. I found some pics of me that I thought were decent, wrote a witty intro and waited for the magic of the internet to happen. First email from was Swtblk99. Which means 1-98 were taken. Not original. And he wasn't black which is just then a strange screen name. I did not respond and my expectations became a bit lower as to finding my perfect match.
After weeding through the worst I began emailing with a guy who seemed to have his stuff together. Recently divorced seemed pretty even keeled and loved animals. I got really excited when he wanted to meet for a drink and thought there was promise when he picked Valentine Vodka as the meeting place. I put on my best pair of jeans, did my hair and make up just right and went to meet this mysterious stranger who seemed to have a lot in common with me...that is until he started talking.
His pictures weren't so bad only a few extra pounds, but in severe need of a haircut and just not that cute in person. But this was my first date in years so I put on my best smile and made conversation. Word to the wise, beware of asking questions you don't want the answers too. I asked why he got divorced the answer went like this "well my ex cheated on me and got pregnant." Ok I said that is completely a reason to get divorced. "No I took her back and forgave her but then she terminated the pregnancy and I just couldn't get over that" WHAT????? You left your wife because she decided she didn't want the kid she was knocked up with because she wanted to work it out with you...maybe it is me but 1. didn't need to know those details and 2. now I think you are a freak. At this point I should've asked for the check but it seemed rude to leave after he poured out his emotional story. I have learned from this on future dates. If you aren't feeling it, just leave.
The next story that followed (can't make this up) was that they are still fighting over their animals. I believe there were 3 dogs and multiple cats involved which is weird in the first place. But after telling me how he rescued a sick dog from her because she refused to have kidney surgery done on the 13 yr old dog, warning lights began to flash. Then he told the tale of his cat.
Apparently he must either attract animals with cancer or live on top of a toxic landfill because I have never met someone with such sick animals. So he took in the cat with cancer and was sure it was on it's way to kitty heaven when the cat jumped on his bed for the first time in weeks, then urinated and died. He was telling me this because he wanted to convey how passionate he was about the animals and he provided comfort during it's last breath.
All I can think is this guy is nuts and how his bed smells like dead cat urine so I definitely don't want anywhere near that. So it was "Check Please". I could not stand one more crazy story. Not enough vodka in the distillery to keep me there any longer. We did the awkward hug in the parking lot (I'm pretty sure he didn't smell like cat urine but the hug was very quick). I got a text from him saying that he really had a good time (we have different definitions) and he really wanted to kiss me. This is where I become brutally honest. It is not to be mean but I wasted 12 years not being honest with myself or someone else so why waste his time when there is no way I would ever go to his dead cat urine smelling house with animals in various degrees of dying. Not. gonna. happen. To his credit he took it well and I got a new story to laugh about with my friends. So if I learned anything, it is don't sit thru another martini when someone has already discussed abortion, cuz the conversation doesn't get better. And you can always meet your Louise for a martini later cuz a girls gotta drink...just not when smelling cat urine
I don't have much advice to give, however please note the following: your pics should be recent not 70 pounds ago, don't post pics of you and another girl if you are trying to find someone to date and those stupid cartoon pics are a major turnoff along with excessive pics of children or pets. See I don't want to date the fat slob you've become or your 5 kids or your million animals and if you can't find a pic that isn't of batman, well not sure we will have much to discuss. And for god's sake pay attention to your screen name. It doesn't need to be witty but should also not be insulting. Looking4asugarmamma isn't getting a wink from me.
Back to the story. I found some pics of me that I thought were decent, wrote a witty intro and waited for the magic of the internet to happen. First email from was Swtblk99. Which means 1-98 were taken. Not original. And he wasn't black which is just then a strange screen name. I did not respond and my expectations became a bit lower as to finding my perfect match.
After weeding through the worst I began emailing with a guy who seemed to have his stuff together. Recently divorced seemed pretty even keeled and loved animals. I got really excited when he wanted to meet for a drink and thought there was promise when he picked Valentine Vodka as the meeting place. I put on my best pair of jeans, did my hair and make up just right and went to meet this mysterious stranger who seemed to have a lot in common with me...that is until he started talking.
His pictures weren't so bad only a few extra pounds, but in severe need of a haircut and just not that cute in person. But this was my first date in years so I put on my best smile and made conversation. Word to the wise, beware of asking questions you don't want the answers too. I asked why he got divorced the answer went like this "well my ex cheated on me and got pregnant." Ok I said that is completely a reason to get divorced. "No I took her back and forgave her but then she terminated the pregnancy and I just couldn't get over that" WHAT????? You left your wife because she decided she didn't want the kid she was knocked up with because she wanted to work it out with you...maybe it is me but 1. didn't need to know those details and 2. now I think you are a freak. At this point I should've asked for the check but it seemed rude to leave after he poured out his emotional story. I have learned from this on future dates. If you aren't feeling it, just leave.
The next story that followed (can't make this up) was that they are still fighting over their animals. I believe there were 3 dogs and multiple cats involved which is weird in the first place. But after telling me how he rescued a sick dog from her because she refused to have kidney surgery done on the 13 yr old dog, warning lights began to flash. Then he told the tale of his cat.
Apparently he must either attract animals with cancer or live on top of a toxic landfill because I have never met someone with such sick animals. So he took in the cat with cancer and was sure it was on it's way to kitty heaven when the cat jumped on his bed for the first time in weeks, then urinated and died. He was telling me this because he wanted to convey how passionate he was about the animals and he provided comfort during it's last breath.
All I can think is this guy is nuts and how his bed smells like dead cat urine so I definitely don't want anywhere near that. So it was "Check Please". I could not stand one more crazy story. Not enough vodka in the distillery to keep me there any longer. We did the awkward hug in the parking lot (I'm pretty sure he didn't smell like cat urine but the hug was very quick). I got a text from him saying that he really had a good time (we have different definitions) and he really wanted to kiss me. This is where I become brutally honest. It is not to be mean but I wasted 12 years not being honest with myself or someone else so why waste his time when there is no way I would ever go to his dead cat urine smelling house with animals in various degrees of dying. Not. gonna. happen. To his credit he took it well and I got a new story to laugh about with my friends. So if I learned anything, it is don't sit thru another martini when someone has already discussed abortion, cuz the conversation doesn't get better. And you can always meet your Louise for a martini later cuz a girls gotta drink...just not when smelling cat urine