After filing for divorce (it was amicable-at the time), I found a new friend. She has become the Louise to my Thelma, the Shirley to my Laverne or more timeless the Ethel to my Lucy. We lived in the same city, worked out at the same gym and frequented the same local hangouts. On a random Friday, myself and I will call her Louise we went to the local place and ran into some friends and neighbors.
One of the people happened to be her neighbor Billy. Billy is a 40 something single guy, a bit shorter than me but at this point I was trying not to nitpick. After copious amounts of vodka soda which I recently decided was my favorite drink and then a few shots...I decided to let Billy comma walk me to my car. My car was down the street and at this time I was holding an intelligent conversation (according to only me) and thought I was ok to drive the couple of blocks home. It wasn't until I was kissing Billy while also falling out of my flip flops and breaking them that I realized I may need some water, coffee and sleep.
So as any girl would do, I tossed my flip flops into the garbage and continued to walk (ie stumble) the block back to my car. I dropped my purse a total of 7 times along the way, it was very heavy or awkward not sure which. Moral of the story was Billy helped me navigate the long block and invited me in for a drink. When I got to his place, I immediately pointed out the horrible decor and how he needed to clean the place. I know, drunk girl with no shoes not really the kind that should be judging but I was. I did not stay the night and instead sobered up with some water and make out sessions which I've been told is a hangover cure but that's a different story. The next day I could not remember his name, which condo it was or if I gave him my number. Thankfully Louise helped with the details including asking if those were my shoes in the garbage at the bar. No judging people.
I rectified the number sitch and knocked on his door (well after Louise laughed when I went to the wrong one). He invited me over for dinner and said I could bring my dog. I went home, grabbed the pup and came back looking forward to the steak dinner he was going to cook. As I walked in, Nola (the dog) took a shit on his floor and then proceeded to grab a steak off the counter. Yep this was going well.
Still we had a nice dinner and whatev after. I mean come on my dog shit on his floor and then ate a steak, a little sympathy was called for. We then started to text which was when the wheels came off the truck...I do not claim to be an English major however there are some things that I cannot tolerate. One is the wrong way of seen vs saw. The other is proper punctuation. I know I use the ...a lot but if you received this message you would be done too. "i can,t wait to see you." See your phone will correct cant into can't so the comma is on purpose. His nickname among our friends became Billy Comma.
So after a drunken meet and make out session, my dog crapping on his floor I decided I needed to call it quits. Don,t worry I didn,t use bad punctuation in my break up text. I think it was more of an "I'm sorry but I am just not that into it and you have bad punctuation". A girl's gotta have some standards. And some drinks.
One of the people happened to be her neighbor Billy. Billy is a 40 something single guy, a bit shorter than me but at this point I was trying not to nitpick. After copious amounts of vodka soda which I recently decided was my favorite drink and then a few shots...I decided to let Billy comma walk me to my car. My car was down the street and at this time I was holding an intelligent conversation (according to only me) and thought I was ok to drive the couple of blocks home. It wasn't until I was kissing Billy while also falling out of my flip flops and breaking them that I realized I may need some water, coffee and sleep.
So as any girl would do, I tossed my flip flops into the garbage and continued to walk (ie stumble) the block back to my car. I dropped my purse a total of 7 times along the way, it was very heavy or awkward not sure which. Moral of the story was Billy helped me navigate the long block and invited me in for a drink. When I got to his place, I immediately pointed out the horrible decor and how he needed to clean the place. I know, drunk girl with no shoes not really the kind that should be judging but I was. I did not stay the night and instead sobered up with some water and make out sessions which I've been told is a hangover cure but that's a different story. The next day I could not remember his name, which condo it was or if I gave him my number. Thankfully Louise helped with the details including asking if those were my shoes in the garbage at the bar. No judging people.
I rectified the number sitch and knocked on his door (well after Louise laughed when I went to the wrong one). He invited me over for dinner and said I could bring my dog. I went home, grabbed the pup and came back looking forward to the steak dinner he was going to cook. As I walked in, Nola (the dog) took a shit on his floor and then proceeded to grab a steak off the counter. Yep this was going well.
Still we had a nice dinner and whatev after. I mean come on my dog shit on his floor and then ate a steak, a little sympathy was called for. We then started to text which was when the wheels came off the truck...I do not claim to be an English major however there are some things that I cannot tolerate. One is the wrong way of seen vs saw. The other is proper punctuation. I know I use the ...a lot but if you received this message you would be done too. "i can,t wait to see you." See your phone will correct cant into can't so the comma is on purpose. His nickname among our friends became Billy Comma.
So after a drunken meet and make out session, my dog crapping on his floor I decided I needed to call it quits. Don,t worry I didn,t use bad punctuation in my break up text. I think it was more of an "I'm sorry but I am just not that into it and you have bad punctuation". A girl's gotta have some standards. And some drinks.